The genie looked as if he was fumbling around, in his pockets.
"You should see this. This artifact will sort you out. This, human, this is the Stone of Bal-Shaggaroth."
He produced a shiny pebble, with alternating dark and light grey bands. It glistened. It was the size of a small egg, only slightly flattened.
"What does it do?"
"Start driving and I'll tell you all about it. The guy behind you is waiting to get to the pump."
"Oh yeah, alright."
I pressed the start button and pulled off, to go back onto the motorway. As soon as we were back up to speed, I asked this genie about the stone.
"OK, so what does this Stone of Bal-Shaganoth or whatever you call it, do?"
"It's called the Stone of Bal-Shagganoth and you'd do well to remember that. This artifact deserves your respect. There is a lot of history, a whole lot of history associated with this stone."
"Alright, Bal-Shagganoth. I want you to give me the lowdown. Pitch it to me."
"You like fucking, right, you like sex, but you cum too early. And it makes you feel like you suck. Well, when this stone is binded to your soul, not only can you get an erection at will, you only cum when you focus your energy on the stone. Theoretically, a man can fuck forever until he dies of old age. Actually, heh, someone actually did. Oh and your cock gets bigger too, as an added bonus."
"I like the sound of that. I've got another question. What happens if I lose the stone?"
"You DON'T lose the stone. You simply DO NOT lose the stone. You must keep it with you at ALL TIMES. You NEVER let it out of your sight. Because - if you lose the stone, it's still BOUND to you until death. And you DON'T let it fall into the wrong hands, either."
"What happens then?"
"If you let another man get the stone, they basically get control of your cock. And you really don't want that to happen. They can make you go hard or soft, and make you cum or not cum at their will. Basically, you'd better hope they do make you cum. Since this stone turns you into a sex god, you start to produce more and more sperm, you can work out what happens next if that cum doesn't come out."
"How big does my cock get?"
"It all depends on how big you are now."
"I'm six and a half."
"Jesus fucking christ, you don't have to lie to me. I'm a magical fucking entity. Your pecker is five and a quarter. But if I bind you now, you'll be.. about eight and a half."
"How about nine?"
"I forgot you were a sales guy. OK, nine. I mean, I still get your soul anyway, but yeah, guaranteed, nine inches of hot pleasure."
I thought about this for a few seconds. This was one of those once-in-a-lifetime opportunities and I'm a goddamn winner. This would square everything off and more. This was, like, my only weakness.
"I'm in."
"Good. I knew you would see sense in taking this most holy, precious item. You will not be disappointed."
"Am I bound now? I don't feel any different."
"Whoa there, pal. There's one more thing. That's the incantation ritual. All you have to do is just read the incantation on this scroll I'm about to give you and the magic will begin. Just take your clothes off, go somewhere private if you have to, read out that scroll and watch that dick grow before your very eyes. You're gonna be a lucky man. You can find both the stone and scroll in the glove compartment."
"What?"
The genie disappeared in a puff of smoke. The smoke made me cough, and I had to open a window. It smelt like a fucking eggy fart.
When I arrived home, I checked the glove compartment and there they were. The Stone of Bal-Shaggaroth and a cream paper scroll, neatly tied with a black ribbon. I snuck them into my briefcase.
At home, I greeted my wife and boys as normal, had my evening meal (steamed hake, new potatoes and veg, glass of Pinot Grigio) and settled down for the evening. In the back of my mind, I thought over and over about the journey home. Was this real? It seemed real, but so unreal too.
My wife wanted to get to bed at around ten. I told her I wanted to stay up. Some made-up story about a report I had to file for the Board, and some paperwork for someone I had to sack tomorrow. She took the bait.
It was a sort of a lie. I did actually have a meeting tomorrow where I'd be terminating someone's employment.
I carried on with some work on the iPad until she got herself off to bed. Soon after she had gone, I went to my suitcase to get the stone and the scroll.
"You should see this. This artifact will sort you out. This, human, this is the Stone of Bal-Shaggaroth."
He produced a shiny pebble, with alternating dark and light grey bands. It glistened. It was the size of a small egg, only slightly flattened.
"What does it do?"
"Start driving and I'll tell you all about it. The guy behind you is waiting to get to the pump."
"Oh yeah, alright."
I pressed the start button and pulled off, to go back onto the motorway. As soon as we were back up to speed, I asked this genie about the stone.
"OK, so what does this Stone of Bal-Shaganoth or whatever you call it, do?"
"It's called the Stone of Bal-Shagganoth and you'd do well to remember that. This artifact deserves your respect. There is a lot of history, a whole lot of history associated with this stone."
"Alright, Bal-Shagganoth. I want you to give me the lowdown. Pitch it to me."
"You like fucking, right, you like sex, but you cum too early. And it makes you feel like you suck. Well, when this stone is binded to your soul, not only can you get an erection at will, you only cum when you focus your energy on the stone. Theoretically, a man can fuck forever until he dies of old age. Actually, heh, someone actually did. Oh and your cock gets bigger too, as an added bonus."
"I like the sound of that. I've got another question. What happens if I lose the stone?"
"You DON'T lose the stone. You simply DO NOT lose the stone. You must keep it with you at ALL TIMES. You NEVER let it out of your sight. Because - if you lose the stone, it's still BOUND to you until death. And you DON'T let it fall into the wrong hands, either."
"What happens then?"
"If you let another man get the stone, they basically get control of your cock. And you really don't want that to happen. They can make you go hard or soft, and make you cum or not cum at their will. Basically, you'd better hope they do make you cum. Since this stone turns you into a sex god, you start to produce more and more sperm, you can work out what happens next if that cum doesn't come out."
"How big does my cock get?"
"It all depends on how big you are now."
"I'm six and a half."
"Jesus fucking christ, you don't have to lie to me. I'm a magical fucking entity. Your pecker is five and a quarter. But if I bind you now, you'll be.. about eight and a half."
"How about nine?"
"I forgot you were a sales guy. OK, nine. I mean, I still get your soul anyway, but yeah, guaranteed, nine inches of hot pleasure."
I thought about this for a few seconds. This was one of those once-in-a-lifetime opportunities and I'm a goddamn winner. This would square everything off and more. This was, like, my only weakness.
"I'm in."
"Good. I knew you would see sense in taking this most holy, precious item. You will not be disappointed."
"Am I bound now? I don't feel any different."
"Whoa there, pal. There's one more thing. That's the incantation ritual. All you have to do is just read the incantation on this scroll I'm about to give you and the magic will begin. Just take your clothes off, go somewhere private if you have to, read out that scroll and watch that dick grow before your very eyes. You're gonna be a lucky man. You can find both the stone and scroll in the glove compartment."
"What?"
The genie disappeared in a puff of smoke. The smoke made me cough, and I had to open a window. It smelt like a fucking eggy fart.
When I arrived home, I checked the glove compartment and there they were. The Stone of Bal-Shaggaroth and a cream paper scroll, neatly tied with a black ribbon. I snuck them into my briefcase.
At home, I greeted my wife and boys as normal, had my evening meal (steamed hake, new potatoes and veg, glass of Pinot Grigio) and settled down for the evening. In the back of my mind, I thought over and over about the journey home. Was this real? It seemed real, but so unreal too.
My wife wanted to get to bed at around ten. I told her I wanted to stay up. Some made-up story about a report I had to file for the Board, and some paperwork for someone I had to sack tomorrow. She took the bait.
It was a sort of a lie. I did actually have a meeting tomorrow where I'd be terminating someone's employment.
I carried on with some work on the iPad until she got herself off to bed. Soon after she had gone, I went to my suitcase to get the stone and the scroll.
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