Excerpts from Erotic Tales Of Derring-Do (1931)

Sir had invited us to one of his after-school lessons in the West Wing, after supper. I heard all about it from Jenkins.

"Something about a new game he wants to teach us, is what I heard." Jenkins explained.
"Well, do you know anything about this game? Are there any rules?" I asked.
"Well, I did hear something about, well, all the boys have been invited. Even spotty Chesterton, what I heard. Anyway I heard this rumour about a woman being involved." Jenkins replied.
"A woman? I thought they weren't allowed!" I ejaculated.

Jenkins scratched his head.

"That's all I know, I'm afraid." stated Jenkins.

Jenkins seemed rather perplexed. His usual, calm Welsh nature just wasn't apparent at all. We would usually have lots of jolly fun at Sir's extra lessons, but this was much different. A woman! In a boy's lesson! It was completely unheard of!

Needless to say, there was much excitement about tonight. I spoke to Carrington, the very tall, skinny Prefect who regularly loitered around, picking up on hearsay from all places. Carrington was the font of knowledge, about all kinds of secrets.

He told me what he heard, round the back of the old bicycle shed, as we shared a Woodbine cigarette.

"It's rather an odd thing that's going on. I must say, all the boys know about it, but the absolutely queer thing about it all is that nobody knows quite what Mr. Bennison has planned for this evening! Believe me, I'm always first to know, and not knowing something like this is quite perplexing to say the least!"
"Did you know Sir is bringing a woman along?"
"I do. As a result, I'm not going. I don't see what's so special about bringing a woman along. Anyway, me and Parkinson are coming back here for a spot of fun later. And Parkers managed to smuggle in a bottle of French brandy, clever sod. You're welcome to join in, if you want. Our big boys club."

Carrington, as a school Prefect, had his responsibilities to attend to, but regularly tended to rebel against authority. He would frequently disappear off school premises, without a shadow of a trace, and with complete gay abandon! Heaven wonders what this alternative version of fun would entail, and what would I end up getting as a result.

"Thank you, Carrington, but I'm just too intrigued at what Sir has planned for us all. I have to go!"
"That's such a shame, old boy."

Hours passed. Later on, we had a recital of "As You Like It" in the afternoon, which made the time fly a little, thank God, but tonight was still on everybody's lips.

We heard another rumour during the day. Battersby, a boy who was ruddy of complexion, rotund of shape and red of hair, told me via Jenkins, that Sir had passed him a note with a specific instruction to adhere to.

You see, last week, Sir caught Battersby pleasuring himself, indulging in a session of onanism, or as we like to call it, masturbation! And Sir's note to Battersby kindly reminded him to refrain from such activities for a few days.

Maybe this was something to do with tonight!

"Battersby's having such a tough time keeping his hands at bay. I'm afraid he could explode at any moment!" ejaculated Jenkins.
"That would be unfortunate." I said, concernedly, "I do wonder what this all means."
"Needless to say, I'm rather excited myself!" grinned Jenkins.
"But a woman though? We've never needed one before. We get on fine without one." I said.

Anyway, soon, it was time to go and see Sir with all the other boys. On the way, in the West corridor, we saw Battersby. The other boys were surrounding him, laughing, so I had to investigate.

"Don't laugh, you horrible, horrible bastards! Fuck off now!" Battersby spluttered.

I pushed in through the other boys for a good peek. And what a sight it was!

Battersby stood there, half bent, covering his groin with his hands.

"What is going on? I demand to know!" I demanded.

Farroukh, one of the boys we had here from Morocco, explained.

"Batty's squelched himself. He's wet all through!" he sniggered.
"He's been wanking? In the corridor?" I enquired.
"Oh no, nothing like that, he was walking round pitching a tent. You could see it a mile off! And then he just came, like that. Oh God, I saw it, it pulsated! And I saw it soak through the fabric like an ink spot!"

Poor Battersby must have been quite embarrassed by all of this. Out of sympathy, and for his honour, I handed him a handkerchief and be allowed to have a private moment to clean himself up a bit.

I had a brief talk with old Battersby. He was too embarrassed now to come in to Sir's Lecture Theatre in the West Wing and, on that thought, I had a spiffing idea.

"Battersby. How would you like to go on a little... espionage mission for me?" I asked.
"After saving my bacon back there? How could I refuse? I will espionage for you any day, old chap!" he spluttered.
"Right-o. This is what I want you to do. Listen closely. Carrington and Parkinson are having a little get together round the back of the old bike sheds, I should say around Eight O'Clock. So clean yourself up, obviously, and wear dark clothing. The darker the better. Black clothing would be best. I want to see what they're up to." I ordered.
"OK. Will do." he replied, affirmatively.

As curious as I was about Sir's private lecture, I had to know what Carrington and Parkinson were up to. I hoped Battersby would be alright on the night.

Anyway, we took our seats in the theatre. Sir, nor his guest were here yet. I was a little late, talking to old Battersby, but Jenkins kindly kept a spot for me on one of the middle rows.

"Poor old Battersby!" remarked Jenkins.
"I should cocoa. I would not want to have been in his shoes!" I remarked back.
"Where is he? Is he coming?" Jenkins enquired.
"I've sent him on a mission." I stated.
"A mission? Whatever for?" Jenkins asked, looking puzzled.
"Carrington and Parkinson aren't coming. They are having a get together on their own, the sneaky rebels. Lord knows why, I mean, I wouldn't miss this for the world! Sir's brought a woman. Surely any boy couldn't turn that down!" I replied.
"Maybe they're just not interested. Maybe they just wanna do something different." Jenkins insighted.
"Not interested?" I spluttered, "What are you insinuating, Jenkins?"
"I don't know. I couldn't really say. Tis a bit nippy out too, as well." Jenkins replied.

Sir entered the theatre from the left entrance, becloaked, charming as ever, with the air and grace of the most wondrous teacher imaginable. Even as a middle-aged man, he had that youthful charm on his face, even with his whitening and receding hair.

"Good evening, all. Well, shall we begin?" announced Sir.

We all hushed to silence.

"You may want to know what tonight's surprise is all about. Well, I let slip the rumour that I've invited a real live woman to the school. Now, I know women aren't usually allowed here, what with you red-blooded boys here lurking around, but as well as the usual fun we have here in these special get-togethers, there's the culture aspect you need to have knowledge of. Now, I know two weeks ago, we all had a bit of fun when I passed around those pornographic photos. Some of you still have them, I see, safely tucked away for a bit of naughtiness in the late hours. They were some great pictures though, I mean, phwoar! Anyway, I would like to invite you to meet our new lady friend, I would like to welcome Kimiko. Come in, Kimiko!"

I turned to Jenkins, as the applause began.

"Kimiko? Is that a woman's name?" I asked.
"It might be." Jenkins replied.

A woman entered. She was stunningly beautiful and she looked like one of the women in Sir's photos we had the one time, taken far over in the Far East. My word, she wasn't Chinese, though. What was she, though? Oh my word, she was a Nip!

She wore a black robe around her, which I guess didn't leave much to the imagination underneath. My word, if Battersby had come, he would have certainly filled his underwear right now.

"Cor! Wow! Sir's really outdone himself this time!" I ejaculated.

"OK, silence, please, silence!" Sir boomed, "Now. Kimiko here is a woman who hails from the Empire of Japan, and she is here to help with tonight's task."

Kimiko took centre stage and gazed at us all, confidently.

"Konbanwa! That is-a 'good evening' in Japanese! I feel very-a wercome to your estabrishment tonight."

Sir joined Kimiko at the centre stage, behind her, loosening the straps of her gown. Kimiko then disrobed herself, letting the gown fall to the floor, revealing a fully naked form, with, I must say, a rather cracking set of pert breasts, I must say. I really must say! She was a work of art!

"Right. Now, the rules of tonight's game. It's a bit like the game of Soggy Biscuit we like to play, except, well, Kimiko here plays the part of the, well, biscuit. And no unfortunate punishments for the boy who comes last, well! This Japanese game has a name, back in the Empire of Japan. Boo-cacky? Is that right?" announced Sir.
"It is-a pronounced Bukakke. And I rove Bukakke very much!" corrected Kimiko.

Battersby was quite good at Soggy Biscuit, he never lost a game! School champion, I must say. Rather a shame he was missing out on this, though. I, on the other hand, only last April, had to eat a rather salty jism-topped McVitie's digestive biscuit for my supper, garnished with Jenkins' own cream topping, who finished just before I did.

Well, at least there wouldn't be any losers tonight!

"Right, knobs out, lads! Let's show Kimiko the best of British!" boomed Sir.

Control (Part 6)

I reached for my mobile. She ran to attack me, jumping and grappling me to the ground. And then, she was straddling me.

I felt a little dizzy. Hard floor. Must have hit my head. I couldn't move for the moment. The phone must have been knocked out of my hand. She had me.

"You bumped your head? I know what will make that better. I've got some pussy medicine that can take care of that."

She stood up, removed her panties, and tossed them casually aside.

She knelt down to put her pussy to my face. It was so warm, I could feel the heat irradiating my face. And that smell, oh well. Maybe this meeting had turned her on even more.

"I wasn't joking when I said I was wet. Lick it. Lick that pussy."
"I can't believe you're doing this."
"Lick me. Lick that pussy."

It was hard to breathe amongst her humid pubic hair. And I had to somehow catch her off guard to get out of this.

I had to have her believe I was compliant, so I licked her. I licked those wet pussy lips and tasted her pussy juice. She was well lubricated and she tasted good.

"Put your tongue in there. Put your tongue in my pussy."

I did. I inserted my tongue into her wet hole. She liked that, and she moaned with pleasure.

"That's good. Mmmh. Oh yes. Are you enjoying that?"

I thought she would check my cock to see if this was turning me on. So I focused on getting stiff. I could feel her hand reaching round to my groin, and she stroked my hard shaft through my trousers.

"Mmm, you're a big boy. That's a big dick you have there,  Mr Hayes. Your wife must be proud."

I think I had her distracted now.

I twisted my head to the right and bit as hard as I could into her pussy.

She jumped off me and staggered back, screaming. Just enough time to scramble for the phone.

I got it. Unlocked it. Dialed security.

"Chris Hayes. Security to Meeting Room 6! Emergency!"

She wasn't going anywhere, she was a crying heap on the floor, clutching her sore vagina. And I think I drew blood. I could taste a little in my mouth.

And that was that. An escort out of the building, a formal charge given to her for assault, an interview with the Police and a date to turn up to the Crown Court to be a witness. They gave me a week off work too.

Jenny was supportive. I told her all about it and she didn't think less of me, probably all due to the fact I didn't give in to this girl's demands and did what I could to escape. Though Jenny couldn't kiss me whilst she could still smell Chloe's scent on my face. I understood.

So, anyway, that leaves the time I told Jenny about Bal-Shaggaroth. It had to happen.

I wanted to find the perfect time to talk to her all about this. Some time where nothing else was going on. And when I wasn't still affected by this Chloe incident.

I left it until Saturday night. No work, no worries, the ideal time.

After Jenny put the kids to bed, and after a light meal of carrot and coriander soup (home made, yum), I told her there was something I wanted to talk to her about.

"What is it?"
"Jenny? I love you, and I want to be the man who makes you happy."
"I'm happy. You make me happy. I don't understand."

She looked confused. In hindsight, I could understand why.

"There's one part of our life which needed some help. I know what we've got is good, don't get me wrong, we have a great house, a great family, and we work well together as a couple, but, as a man, I felt like I've been letting you down. I'll get to the point - it's about the premature ejaculation thing."
"I thought the doctor said there wasn't much you could do but try and cut out the stress. You're not being a guinea pig for work again are you?"
"Oh no oh no, definitely no. OK, this is gonna sound weird, but just hear me out. I've been given something by someone to help me with this problem."
"A thing? What, like an implant or something? Chris-"

I could see she was getting worried. So I got it out. The stone.

"This is it. Have a look."

I handed over the stone and she studied it.

"It's a pebble. Does it have something inside it? Chris, what have they done to you?"
"It isn't from work. This is gonna sound weird, but it's magical. No drugs, no implants, just magic."
"Chris, you're acting really strange. What do you mean, magic?"
"I was on the way home one night. There was this... genie in the back of the car and he gave it to me, said it would cure me. You know how much this thing bothers me, right, so I said yes."
"Chris. It's a rock. You found a rock somewhere and you're being really weird. I don't want you to have counselling again."
"Look, I'll prove it yo you."

I got up, unloosened the belt of my jeans, unzipped and dropped them, then I pulled down my boxers.

Jenny stared at it. Then at my face. Then back to it.

"Chris. What's happened to your cock?"
"It's bigger. I had to prove to you I wasn't lying. If you pass me the stone, I'll show you what it can do."

Jenny didn't pass it to me. She held onto it and started crying.

"Why are you crying?"
"I wish you'd told me, Chris. What have you done?"
"I wish I could have told you. Look, I know it's difficult-"
"Well how do I feel about it? You've done something to yourself, Chris, and I don't care whether it's 'magic', or something else, but you've gone and changed yourself."

I pulled up my boxers and trousers back on, and sat down beside her. She shuffled away from me.

"Jenny."
"What?"
"I only did this for us. And I wouldn't have done it if I knew it would have upset you like this. Look, I'll make you a drink. I know it's all of a sudden, all of this, but when we're ready, I'll tell you everything about it. I'm sorry."

She sniffled and reached for a tissue to blow her nose.

"I'll have a tea."
"I'll get you a tea."

A tea later and she had calmed down a little, and she told me she wanted to know more about what I had done.

Control (Part 5)

She held out her hand for me to shake it. I did, obligingly. Even though meetings like this never seemed to go well, on average, it was good to start on a friendly footing.

Even though I had presided over quite a few sackings in my time, this was never easy. In fact, these were pretty awkward.

"Chloe, isn't it? Chloe Dolan?"
"Yeah."
"Chris Hayes."

She sounded just like Jenny too. But what was that, a bit of a Birmingham accent there? I'm firing a brummie. A brummie that looks like a younger photocopy of my wife. I may have found it difficult to read her emotions, she seemed as if she wasn't fully aware of what was going to happen here, or she was hiding it well.

"Do you want to have a seat? Do you want a coffee, or some water, or anything?"
"No thanks, I'm fine."

We both sat down at the table and I opened up the proceedings.

"OK, Chloe. I don't think met you before? Sam's your Team Leader, isn't he? I am Sam's manager. First of all, did you get here OK?"
"Yeah, fine, I've been here a couple of times before for training and that."
"I'm sorry Sam couldn't be here. Normally, Sam would have been here, but he's on a course himself today. Did he explain why we're having this meeting?"
"I know what it's about. I know what happened, but you say your bit and I'll say mine."
"Well... I can't really put myself in your shoes, I can only see this from my point of view, from the company's point of view, that's why I've asked you to come here, so we can have, you know, a bit of dialogue over this matter. As you may know, something happened which was actually quite severe for us, that the company has to go through the process of dismissal. Even so, we need to have this talk to come to some understanding over the matter."
"Wait... what? You're actually giving me the fucking sack over this? Hold on, no, no no no no, Sam never told me you were gonna fucking sack me! I thought this was just a disciplinary or something. You bastard!"

She was quite angry. I hated seeing Jenny angry and seeing her like this reminded me of arguments me and Jenny used to have.

"Chloe. Please-"
"Don't Chloe me, you fucking bastard! I've driven all the way over here just so you can tell me I ain't got a job no more? Why?"
"It's... company procedure, that we have to have a review of your employment. And... I am actually interested in hearing your side of the story, in case we have the wrong understanding. We never dismiss anyone without just cause."
"OK. Whatever."

I could feel she wanted to lash out - physically - and she was trying to keep herself calm. She gave herself a moment to compose herself, then carried on.

"Could you tell me why I'm being sacked then, please?"
"There was a complaint about one of your calls to a client, and this complaint was so significant that we've had to take action over it. I know.. I know you know which call this was, but I have to play the recording of it now and explain what happened next, just to put you in the loop."
"OK."

I took the iPod from the dock and browsed through the tracks to find the recording of the call, then put it back. The call began.

"Hi there! My name is Chloe, I'm calling from PharmaX, the pharmaceutical company. Am I speaking to Mr Amit Parekh?"

"Speaking."

This call started well.

"Hello, Mr Parekh. Are you able to spare a few minutes of your time today?"
"Well, it depends on what you're calling about."
"Mr Parekh, all I want to do, if you have some time free today, is to see if PharmaX is able to save you money with our range of pharmaceutical products. Do you have some time free, Mr Parekh?"
"Look, I don't want to be rude or nothing, but I'm getting calls all the time from people about this sort of thing. I run a small chain of pharmacies and I tend to look for cheaper suppliers myself."
"Exactly, Mr Parekh, all we want to do is just to see, really, if we can help reduce the hassle of you doing this."
"Well, how exactly would you do that?"
"What I could do, Mr Parekh, I can arrange for one of our specialist advisors to come and see you at your convenience, to discuss what we can offer you."
"Well, look, I like the sound of your voice, I know this is your job and that you have sales targets to meet though, Chloe, isn't it?"
"You like the sound of my voice? Mr Patel, you're not so bad yourself."
"Where are you from? Are you West Midlands way?"
"Walsall, originally, moved south ages ago though."
"I've got a cousin near Walsall. It's alright there. Might go up there sometime again."
"I sometimes go back there too. Might bump into each other."
"Heh heh. We might do."
"So anyway, what are you up to, Mr Parekh?"
"Call me Amit. I'm just here on my own, catching up on a bit of finance work, am a bit behind on it, to tell you the truth."
"Oh I don't want to intrude, Amit! Well, maybe I could pop around sometime and help you out."
"Heh, I could do with a little help. Well, anyway, well, you've got something to sell me, haven't you?"
"I do. Only I'd have to send someone else over to talk about this and that. I've been training to do the Field Sales side, so maybe I could come over, if it would help."
"Hmm. Maybe. Yeah."
"If I come over there to you, who knows what might happen?"
"Heh. I'd like that."
"Maybe you'd take us up on something, and, I dunno, something extra?"
"Something extra?"
"I like the sound of you, Amit, I could have ways of, you know, closing the deal... hehe."
"Sorry. I'm sorry. What? Are you coming onto me? I wasn't flirting with you, yeah?"
"What?"
"You're coming onto me. I was just being friendly. Do you have a manager or someone there? I want to speak to somebody higher up."
"Hey, I thought we were just talking-"
"No, I want to talk to a manager now!"
"I wasn't trying to come on-"
"For fuck's sake, you're trying to do phone sex on me. Is that what your company does for sales? Is this call recorded?"
"No, no, no. Oh shit."
"I'm going to write to your chief executive. Don't bother giving me his name, I'll Google it. It'll be on Google. And don't even think I want to buy your company's stuff, I'll go somewhere else. I have connections as well. I'll tell them all about your company and the dirty sluts they have."

The call ended rather abruptly.

"Look, he started it! He started flirting with me first!" bursted Chloe, pointing frantically at the iPod.
"Chloe. Whether he started it or not is not the point. You're here to do a job, not to proposition clients."
"If he wasn't going to be a prick with me, I could have had a sale out of that!"

"Chloe. You went too far with this one. You crossed the line and what happened after that was unforgivable. I have to tell you what happened."
"Go on."
"Mr Parekh wrote a three page letter to the Chief Exec, and sent copies to major newspapers. Luckily, none of them wanted to go with the story. I can't describe in words how pissed off the boss was, basically, and we've all had a telling off. Peter, my boss, got shouted at, and it's all cascaded downwards. Mr Parekh told his contacts, and we've lost them. Because of what you said, we've lost a major amount of income from this, and the damage has been done."
"It sounds like you've already made up your mind, to be honest. You guys put targets on us and tell us we've got to do what's necessary to get them, else we're in the shit. So this is what I've been doing.

And this is where Peter's favourite word came in.

"We at this company have to maintain our... integrity, it's central to everything we do. If we let things like this happen, we look bad in the marketplace. That can have the knock on effect of people losing jobs and things like that."
"Well I definitely won't let it happen again. And I'll beg if I have to. You've just got to give me one more chance! One more chance."

I could see the determination in her eyes. She wanted to fight this.

My god, she looks just like Jennifer, right now. But she isn't her. I've got to sack her. She did such a bad thing.

"Chloe... it is with regret that-"
"Right. I know what you men want. And if what I do next lets me keep this job..."

She lowered the straps of her dress down, and pulled it down to reveal her bra, which held some remarkable assets, good sized breasts.

"Let's face it. You've got a job to do, but you've got a certain amount of leeway. I've seen the way you looked at me when I came in."

And she was right. Shit.

"I thought it would come to this. I fingered myself in the car before I came in. I'm so wet. Come on, Mr Hayes, people do this sort of stuff all the time."

My god. And this.

"And nobody's gonna hear us."

She got me. I was speechless for once. I may have had a staggering boner, but thanks to Bal-Shaggaroth, it just wasn't there.

"Chloe, I know what you're trying to do. I'm a man of integrity, I don't do this. I'm a married man."
"It's OK, I've got condoms. You don't have to fill me with your spunk if you don't want to."
"I'm going to have to ask you to leave. I'm giving you a warning, and I may have to call Security."

Part of me really didn't want to ask her to leave. She was ready to go. I could actually do with a good fuck. But I stood up and walked around the table. She got up too and blocked the door.

"I want you to fuck me. All I want is for you to fuck me and then you can go."

She was desperate, and I don't know what she would do if I resisted. I could reach for my mobile and call security, but she would come for me. And I can't find it in myself to hit a woman.

I could fuck her, but that- no, that's unthinkable. Was it? She'd bring me down with her. I could keep her job, but she'd have a dirty secret.

"You could finger my wet pussy, at least, Mr Hayes."

This is madness. I had to end this right now.